A FEELING OF ABSENCE GOD CAN ONLY FILL
I got up this morning like I do everymorning praying and filling my soul with God's unfailing love, that he gives usevery day when we are willing to receive it. I have learned over the years thatHis love is the only thing that sustains me no matter what happens in my day. Ilearned this the hard way, not wanting to give up what I thought was important.His love is a shield that protects me from this world and everything in it thattries to separate Him from me. I will not be shaken or moved from His love andhave a stronghold on His word. I eat big meals of His word daily to fill me up,I no longer just live on His word by snacking. Snacking was not filling me upor satisfying my cravings. I need big meals of His word, and I digest themslowly.
Now that you know my mind set and where Ilive and who I live for, I will begin telling you about this special day Godhad planned for me to learn more about His love. If you don't know already Godgave me a ministry called love4love about four years ago. I take people to thedoctor, hospital, grocery store and where ever they need to go because theydon’t have a car or transportation. God also gave me my ability to write afterI had surrendered my life to Him, it was a gift I was very surprised I received.It was evident after I was drawn to write everything He was telling me througheach circumstance and relationship. At first I was shocked and fearful I couldnot accomplish what He was giving me, I was questioning my new abilities He hadgiven me. After a few stories, He began changing my life and changing people’slives around me, my faith and my love for Him has grown every day.
Today started off, like all my days hadbecome, seeking Him. It was almost 12:00 and my two friends and I were walkingin the doctor’s office. They went in through the door first. I came in looking while I was walking in atall the elderly people sitting in chairs lined up against the wall, it was 7 or8 of them. My heart went out to them and I asked with a gentle smile, "Howis everyone doing today?" To my surprise most of them said, "Fine,how are you?" One lady stood out and said with a big grin, "I amdoing great, if I was doing any better I couldn't stand myself!" SuddenlyI thought of my friend Mr. Duke Alkire, one of my elderly friends that moved toFlorida. I felt like God was giving me apiece of him. I was thinking a lot about Mr. Duke lately, I am working on abook for him. He is a retired member of a Chaplin core in the Atlanta Prison.He has amazing stories of faith in how God lead many prisoners and others toChrist through him. I smiled at the nice lady and told her a special friend ofmine says that same saying, and I felt like I was getting a gift from Godthrough her. She went on to tell me that her husband says that saying and shesays it now. I asked her, “Is he here with you? She said, "No, he wasdeceased." She went on and said, "He lives through me here and Icarry him around by saying some of the things he used to say." I felt thelove she had for God and for her husband. She went on and said, "Our lovedones do not die in spirit, they only die in the body and their spirit stayswith us as long as we carry them in our hearts. She continued and talked abouthow we can remember them by repeating their words of encouragement. I smiled ather and thanked her for her love she shared with me about God and her husband.My heart was touched and I began to get a flood of God's wisdom in my mind, Hewas talking to me without a pause in between. I hurried and got my note bookout of my bag and began writing what He was telling me as I always do.
Ihad been praying for some widows at my church that suffered a great loss in theirhearts by losing their husbands. I so wanted to comfort them and relieve someof their suffering, as we all do if we are led by the Holy Spirit, with Hiscompassion and comfort. I told them about the love of God and how we are alwayssupposed to have faith in Him through all our suffering and how his love willbring us through with more understanding of His power of love in who He is inour lives. Of course most of them looked at me like I did not know what I wastalking about because I have not "lost" my husband. How could Ipossibly know what that kind of "loss" feels like? I would tell themthat is what faith in God's love gives you. Faith is something we do not knowbut what we are sure of. I told them that I was sure of God's love and I lovedHim more than I loved my husband. I knew He would comfort me and take care ofme. I went on to tell them I didn't know how, but I knew He would alwayscomfort me by the Holy Spirit He had given me when I made him Lord of my life.The Holy Spirit always tells us what’s to come by how He will react. I wascertain if He was with me and comforted me in my small sorrows He would surelycomfort me in my big sorrows in life. I began praying for them daily to receiveGod's love to fulfill their absence of the love they were feeling from theabsence of their husbands. All these prayers began to flood my mind at the sametime God was answering them through this beautiful relationship He had led meto in this doctor’s office; this beautiful daughter of His, which now she wasmy sister. I began to write down questions for God. The first one was; why dowe say when someone we love dies, "I lost my husband, or Vicki lost herhusband, or I am sorry for your loss?" I did not know where these questions in my mind were coming from. Inever thought about things like this before. I couldn’t shake out of my mindwhat the kind lady said, "Their spirit never dies". I knew that, butGod was telling me in a way I had not heard before. We have a sense of beinglost without them because they are not here with us. God went on to tell me,this saying of them being lost was something our flesh held on to, it was ahuman need, a selfish need within ourselves to want them and ache for themhere, to miss them so much we miss out on God’s power of love. It was anabsence He could only fill and He wanted to be the one to fill it! We were morelost than they were because all we have to do is turn to Him and He would giveus more of His love to sustain us above whatever our husbands or wives did orever could. That was what that lady in the doctor’s office was trying to tellme. I knew at that moment she had been married to God before she was married toher husband. I also knew she knew a part of God that only a widow that trulyloved God more than her husband could know. Wow! What a love God has for usthat could love us more than someone we had shared the most intimate moments onearth with, no matter how long or short we were with them, His love would besufficient enough for us! I knew this but to hear it this way was more than Icould bear or ever imagine!! He told me that was the point He was wantingeveryone to know. It was my job to tell everyone by sharing this story, thiswomen’s testimony with everyone. He told me the love we have from people onearth is just a drop in a huge bucket compared to the love we have from Him.When someone dies we love and we have that feeling of absence of love in ourhearts, God fills it up with His love as quick as we turn to Him and receiveit. We use the words of God to carry God around with us just like she did withher husband, we are truly made up of spirit and truth, and He is the Father ofSpirit, the Spirit of all Spirits, the Holy Spirit. My eyes began to fill upwith tears in how much God was giving me at that moment. How could I put all ofwhat He was giving me once more into words? Oh how I wanted to talk to thewonderful lady some more, I was being drawn to her, to ask her questions. I wantedto tell her I was writing a story God was giving me at that moment in thedoctor’s office about the love she had for God and her husband. I picked up asmaller note book out of my bag and I walked over and introduced myself. Isaid, "My name is Vicki Gann and I am an inspired writer and I wasenlighten by your statement and how your husband still lives through you byusing His words. I started writing a story that God was giving me about yourlove for your husband and your love for God." She smiled at me and said,"Thank you very much, that is very kind of you." I asked for heraddress and phone number so I could get in touch with her and send her a copyof it when I was finished. I gave her my card. It seemed easier to get cardsmade up of my ministry God gave me with my address and my phone number insteadof writing it down every time I ask someone for permission to write a storyabout them. I told her it is always refreshing to meet someone else that trulyhad faith in the love of God. She began telling me she did not understand whypeople said, “My husband is lost, or she lost her husband, or I am sorry foryour loss." She said with great love, "I was married to God before Iwas married to my husband and that is why I received such a wonderful husbandto spend my short life with." I began to look at her with great wonder andamazement, I couldn’t believe she was telling me the same things God justrevealed to me. I got a huge lump in my throat, it was hard to swallow andbreathe. She kept talking about how the words people say keep them alive in usif we remember their words by saying them, just like God’s word keeps Him alivein us if we remember them by saying them and applying them to our lives. Iwanted to tell her everything she was telling me God had already told me. I was keeping God's words inside me and onpaper until the time the story was finished so everyone could see His power andlove while they were reading it. I also couldn’t tell her because I was in “awe”of what was going on. God had done this many times. He had united others thattalk and think like I do, before or after I wrote something they did not knowabout, but not like this. I told her she was a breath of God's air and shelifted me up so far beyond myself. I told her I was so grateful to God for Himbringing her into my life, God had chosen her to answer many of my prayers. Iwanted to take her with me where ever I went so she could explain the love wereceive whenever we feel any kind of sorrow. She said, "You can take mearound with you by you writing this story and sharing it with everyone."
As I was talking to her, the woman besideher said, "Excuse me, did you say you were an inspired writer?" Isaid, "Yes Mam, all of what God gives me I write about." She said,"I know you, what is your name?" I said, "Vicki Gann" Shewent on to tell me she knew me from a Sunday school class I visited about eightmonths ago and she had been wondering what happened to me. I could not believeGod was giving me two new gifts this morning. It turned out that this women wasgoing to be a wonderful relationship also. She told me she was going to sharethis testimony with her Sunday school of our meeting and how I was writing herfriends testimony of her love for God, after we had met a short time eightmonths ago, she had remembered me. We all knew this was not an accident meetingand God worked out His plan and purpose through all of us. We also knew Hewould continue to work through all of us by telling and writing this story.This story gives us proof of how Hecontrols His message of love, how He uses people to answer His prayers, how He talks to us personally through the HolySpirit and confirming it by giving the same message through another person. OHMY GOD How wonderful you are in how you use your mighty works through thosethat love you! I will praise you every day and give you all the glory!!!