It is getting near the Holidays once again. My family usually goes to my parents house for the holidays. My family is made up of one son from a previous marriage, he is thirty one and a daughter and son from my marriage now going on thirty years. My daughter is twenty eight and my youngest son is twenty one.
Some of you might not be aware of my oldest son and his life style he is living. He claims to be a homosexual at birth and still believes he is living in the will of God living this life style, and is not living a life of sin. There is no struggle, no guilt or shame at all in him living this life style. In fact he has embraced it and is raising his two son's in it. He claims to know God, he claims he is living through the Holy Spirit of God leading Him through his life as a father, friend, and brother to all people. He went to a Christian school and knows the Bible very well, do not think for one minute he does not know every word and how it is meant. He is fully confident and fully aware of all it says. He was born into a broken marriage, and he was raised by broken spirits and souls most of his life including mine most of his childhood.
I have been forgiven for all my sins and all my wrong ways those sins lead me to live. I have been washed clean by the blood of Jesus and He lead my soul and spirit to repentance, to accept Him fully as my Savior and Lord over my life so He could show me his love and grace that could change my life. His grace had a huge effect on me from the moment I truly met him up to this day. I have never left him nor wavered from His love, peace and grace that continually changes me and guards my heart. I was a sinner, a very good one and was living a life of sin daily, but now I am a saint saved by His blood of love that gives me His grace that empowers me to say no to all ungodliness. I have a huge amount of Godly sorrow when I sin and ask my Father for forgiveness immediately because my heart hurts as his hurts when I do sin. He instantly forgives me and gives me a peace within that has no human meaning or natural human experience. I am a new creature, I have been reborn by His love and grace through His gift of faith. His love and grace is real and there is no understanding it , or explaining it until you receive it. If there is no change in you then you have not received it, period! If his grace can change me, His grace can change anyone!!
With all this shared about how each of us view our relationship with our Father let us talk about our relationship we have together.I know I have spoken for my son but if he was here he would tell you the same thing, When my son first told me he was gay I had already met my Savior. I talked to my son many hours about hurt, pain and forgiveness. We have always shared our feelings and emotions, all of my children are free to express their feelings before Christ and after I met Him. We talked about my hurts and his and how that hurt can turn into different things that God does not have a hand in. He told me he went to a counselor and discussed all of that. He went to a Christian counselor and he was healed from all of that. He told me that he forgave me, he had no hurt in him or no pain, and he finally was free to embrace who he truly was, a homosexual. He told me he wanted to find someone to love the way he wanted to be loved. He was married at the time and had two boys but he got a divorce, moved in with another man and bought a house within a year or so. Now it has been about four years or more, give or take one or two, since they have been together. The counselor, I found out on a later date, was a homosexual as well. To top that, my son attended a church that was led by a homosexual Pastor and the Pastor admitted it. I promise you, this is not fabricated at all with no slander intended, this is all very true and was a very painful experience. While all this was happening my son and I continued a loving and sharing relationship as I did with his partner Mark. I continued witnessing the love of God to them and how He wanted both of them to be his reborn children he would forgive all their sinful nature and replace that nature with His own if only they would continue giving themselves to God in repentance, wanting to receive His ways and His life He has planned for them. I told him God does not want anyone to continue in sin and if we continue we are separated from HIS love and the whole world loving you is less than one drop of his.
This went on for a while but soon my son got angry and would not talk to me at all any more because I would not let them come over without witnessing to them about the love of God. He wanted me to accept them the way they were in sin and without seeing their sin.He thinks to this day he is not sinning so I should think he is not sinning. I told him I could not do that because God was in me and His love and grace would not allow me to turn away from Him, unless I wanted to give all that He had given me up. My son did not understand or maybe he did, he still says I do not love him enough to look away from the sin and accept him without it. He dose not accept his life style as sin, he accepts it has a gift of love from God, to love a man as a women or to love a woman as man it does not matter in God's eyes. So now we have no communication at all, not because I pulled away from my son, or my son pulled away from me, but because my son pulled away from God and I stayed with God. I still have a door and arms waiting wide open to my son and will always with a forgiving heart waiting patiently.
Now that you know about these relationships God has put together for his purpose I will tell you another he has put on our paths. My mom, and some of you might not remember she was a preachers daughter and has been doing "God's" work a long time in his church and each holiday she fills guilty not inviting Mark and Ryan to each holiday. She doesn't think we need to talk about God to him all the time. She says my son knows how she feels about their life style and we still love both of them without speaking about God all the time. We can love them without making them feel guilty of their life style. She says turning them away is not going to help them. I have told her a hundred times I do not turn them away but I cannot allow sin to be "OK" in my house as if I could walk right by and not hear their souls crying out to me needing a Savior to save them in their darkness.I cannot ignore their sin. After all He did that for me through one of His servants how can he not do in and through me as His servant. Especially with my own child who I love as a godly mother now. If he does not hear me I cannot allow the sin to be ignored. God does not ignore sin how can I. My son may hear Christ through me one day but ignoring the sin will never change him. Loving them and accepting their sin does not go together.
The Spirit of God in me does not allow me to walk by someone I know that is in darkness and not reveal HIS light in word, deeds and love. It hurts him when I do walk by without sharing what he has given me of himself, therefore it hurts me when I do ignore the sin or the darkness in another person. It is not in me to not speak about His love for that person, about his healing power he wants to give that person, and about his grace that equips them to say no to the sinful nature that lives in everyone and say yes to the rebirth of God in them by His own sons sacrifice on the cross. This is His work he has put in me for that person, how can I not let His work out if I want to remain in His love? Do I put my son before him or do I sacrifice my son for Him? I will do the ladder and pray with all the power he gives me that my son will turn to Him as I did but I will not ignore the darkness that is within him leading him to live a life of sin.
My mom and I do not have a unity of Spirit and we do not believe in the same Jesus. She does not separate the sin from the person through Christ, she continues to think we ignore the sin by loving the person. I believe Jesus loved the person and truly hated the sin is how he loved them, and that is how they loved him by His love separating them from sin. If we continue to ignore the sin how is his love going to change them?
I am all most finished, thanks for barring with me today. I know this is longer than most. I prayed about this again as I always do with each relationship and circumstances God brings into my life, and they are many as some of you may know. I believe he does with everyone if He is within, there is always His work to be done in and through you for all to benefit from. I was praying one night heavy with heart about this growing problem each holiday we are faced. I want so much for people to know Him and His true love and how it works through each person hoping desperately all will know His love that goes beyond our understanding. A love for souls that we cannot explain. I went to sleep praying and I had a dream....
The dream took place on a side of a mountain with thousands of people with all kinds of needles and drugs. They were all taking turns filling he needles with drugs and injecting the needles in their arms.The ones that were not doing the drugs were patting them on the back saying how much they loved them and what amazing people they were. They would ask them if they needed anything, food, clothes or money, as if they did not see what they were doing.Then they would switch there purpose. They did not see me, they looked right through me. I walked among them looking at their faces and eyes. They all looked so very happy and loving each other as if what they were doing was OK. It did not matter to the one doing the drugs or the one patting the other on the back. They all loved each other each taking their turn doing the praising and the drugs.
As I was walking around I heard cries of helplessness, and hopelessness, but I could not see where it was coming from. The cries got louder and louder, to the point I could not hear myself speak. I began to raise my voice to the people so they might here me because no one was looking at me to hear what I was saying as I was walking through theses thousands. I cried out, "Where is that crying coming from, why are you not trying to find it, why are you acting like you can't here it? I kept crying out to them, and no one would answer, they were all ignoring me, then one finally said, "We do not hear any crying, everyone is happy here and loving each other no matter what they do or what they say, we all love one another the way we want to be loved. I asked him again, "Do you not hear the crying, the loud crying, and the sound it makes?" He answered me again, "No, we love each other the way we are in our sin, in our sinful nature, we love each person the way we want to be loved in our sinful nature, the way God made us." I asked him,"Do you not want to be reborn? Do you not know about His Son Jesus Christ that came to save you from your sinful nature?" He said, "Yes of course we know Him, but we do not want to change we love each other like this and want to stay like this so we ignore Him and you because you are one of his." I looked at him in shock and walked away weeping as I walked to the top of the mountain. I turned and looked down at the multitude and fell to my knees praying to my Heavenly Father, "Father, where is the crying coming from, I want to help them!!" My Heavenly Father said, "You and I cannot because of the conditions of their stubborn hearts, they would never hear us and accept me and change as long as their hearts were in that condition. I asked Him again, "Where is the crying coming from then if they were not crying?" He said, "It is their souls and We could only hear them." I wept louder and louder in my dream, so loud I cried for real and my husband woke me up asking me what was wrong. He told me the noise scared him because I sounded like a wounded animal. I told him I could not tell him at that moment, or the next day, but I will today.