What does our Heavenly Father say about people pleasers?
I know I have a woman in this picture, but men can be people pleasers too. In the beginning of my life I was a people pleaser. I wanted to do everything I could to please others and their needs, and I wanted everyone to want to please me with my needs. You know, I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine. After a while I felt like I was pleasing everyone else and their needs, what they expected of me, what they wanted me to be, and I was being left out of the whole picture.
The next step I took was complete rebellion. I did what I wanted, and what I wanted ended up bringing my life to a disaster! I then thought no one would accept me. I could not look a person in the eye in fear they may see the darkness underneath, especially not God. I was full of self-piety. I quickly covered up my darkness with other things. Then I decided I would go back to people pleasing.
I could help people, and that would make me feel good about myself. I would live among the “good” world and I would do what the “good” world expected of me, and all would be well. All this time Satan had me deceived. I still did not have the peace my Heavenly Father spoke of, nor the fruits of His Spirit, and I was not sure those "behaviors" He gives a person could ever be manifested in me.
Proverbs 14:12-14 The is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end, it leads to death. Even in laughter the heart may ache, and joy may end in grief. The faithless will be fully repaid for their ways, and the good man rewarded for his. A simple man believes anything, but a prudent man gives thought to his steps.
I became tired and weary of all the suffering in the world, and felt guilty if I did not please someone all the time. I had no idea what my gifts were, and I had no idea what God was giving me for the service of His children in building it up in the fullness of Him, because I was continually in his way.
I had become a people pleaser, and the Cross had no effect on me. I know this now, but I did not know it then, because I was being deceived. I was putting a heavy weight upon my shoulders I could not carry, but I thought I could. I quickly became tried and weary of all the good I was doing and I did not know why.
“I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.”
From the worlds point of view a people pleaser is the kind of person it welcomes. From a natural human stand point a people pleaser is the only way to live, because they do things and say things to please people, and people is what the “good” world is all about.
In the “good” world it is all about loving people, people pleasing people, people loving life and people helping people so they will not have to suffer. In the “good” world it is all about people being good to people. People putting others before themselves, and sacrificing their lives for other people is what the good world is all about. In the “good” people world if people are scratching each other’s back all is well, and everyone lives in peace.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
James 4:4 You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore, whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.
It may look good from the outside looking in, but what happens to a people pleaser inside? They never feel fulfilled, they always are searching out for things to do, and they always appear tired and weary of the endless searching for answers they cannot find on their own.
A people pleaser does not know how to say no to other people that want them to do something for them. They do not know how to delegate, nor do they want too. They want to do it all themselves, and especially the job no one else wants to do. That gives them more points in the "good" world.
They do not manage their time well, and they feel guilty for not accomplishing what they set out to accomplish each day. People pleasers live in guilt, and constantly are saying they are sorry for things they do not need to be sorry for.
They put upon their shoulders great expectations of themselves, and the cares of this world are too heavy for them, and they become tired and weary. They never truly have rest in their souls. They know nothing of Christ and His peace that goes beyond human understanding. They think they do but their lives truly reveal a busy and hurried soul trying desperately to feel it with their good. I call it the “hamster syndrome.” They look like Hamsters on a wheel but truly do not go anywhere. That was me for years of my adult life before I finally surrendered my life totally to Him.
People pleasers can’t put God first because it would offend someone else if they did. People pleasers have no idea what their gifts, and service ministry is for the children of God, and they are willing to do anything, at any time. They disregard others carrying their own cross because they want to carry it themselves. They disregard His truth if it hurts someone’s feelings. They are more afraid of offending people rather than offending God.
They live on praise from people, and do not seek the praise that comes from God. A people pleaser is never persecuted for being a Christian, and all people love them. People pleasers are false prophets, but they do not know they are. People pleasers trust people and their view of themselves more than they trust their Lord and Savior.
John 6:44 How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God? (some manuscripts write, “The Only One God.”)
Luke 6:26 Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for that is how their fathers treated the false prophets.
The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.
A people pleaser relies on other people and their testimony about themselves. They will not trust in God in what He gives them, because God truly has not given them anything because they are putting people above Him. A people pleaser is committing idolatry in God’s eyes. They are living out the second commandment before the first commandment.
Jesus never trusted any man and their testimony about him because He knew what is in a man, and His Father always revealed what was hidden. Jesus only relied on what His Father was giving Him, and He only focused on His Father to reveal His truth, and if we are being led by His Spirit we will be living as He did.
John 2:23 Now while he (Jesus) was in Jerusalem at the Passover Feast, many people saw the miraculous signs he was doing and believed in his name. But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knows all men. He did not need man’s testimony about man for he knew what was in a man.
Some other attributes of a people pleaser are they get in their minds they are working for themselves, or other people, and not for God. They do most of their deeds among other people so people can see them doing it, or they tell other people about the good they are doing all the time. They also like for others to see them pray, and they constantly want others to know they are praying for them. They would rather be seen by others seeing them pray, and for them to know they are praying, than God hearing them pray to Him in secret.
A reborn child of God will pray for all people, and never share His righteousness He has given them in order to be seen by other people. Who they are in private with their Father is who they are in public; there is no difference. Children born of God do not talk about their deeds when helping other people. They keep their deeds secret as possible, because they are doing it for their Father, not to please people, or to get praise from other people, but to get their reward from Him.
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for his wrong, and there is no favoritism.
“Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. “Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. “And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. ...
Ephesians 6:5 Slaves, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, not by the way of eye-service as people-pleasers, but as servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a slave or free. Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.
I view my earthy “master” today as my boss, or a government elected official that has authority over me as if I am serving the Lord. They should also view me the same as I view them, both serving the Lord as our true Master and Lord because he shows no favoritism for anyone being greater than anyone in His Kingdom. They should not threaten me by their given authority over me that they have. We both should be serving the Lord through His authority that He gives each of us through His Spirit of truth.
Another attribute of a people pleaser is they do not mind at all being “equally yoked” and having fellowship with anyone the way they want to have fellowship. They do not mind sharing their lives with anyone, and they do not like confrontation with anyone. They live to keep the peace at all cost. People pleasers think keeping the peace is more important than telling the truth if they know it would offend someone else.
A people pleaser is not willing to separate themselves for God among those who are unbelievers, and those who think they are believers but continue to sin and call themselves believers. The only reason our Lord had any association with an unbeliever is to show and tell them about their Heavenly Father and His Kingdom because He wanted to save them. That was the reason our Lord associated with anyone, and through Him we are His mouth, hands, and feet for all.
We do not live for people, or ourselves any longer, we belong to Him, and are used for His purposes, and have His interest dwelling in us for others. We live through His Spirit, and we belong to Him. He is our Savior, and Lord of our lives. The second commandment is only lived out after the first, then His love and truth pours out of us for others always for His purpose in drawing them to Him. We do not live for Him when we choose, but we live each day and moment through His Spirit as He chooses.
2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
1 Corinthians 15:33 Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character. Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning; for there are some who are ignorant of God- I say this to your shame.
1 Corinthians 5:11 But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother, but is sexually immoral or greedy, and idolater, or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.
What does “equally yoked”, communion, and fellowship mean?
Fellowship, equally yoked, or communion means any two or more sharing a similar interest.
Unbelievers can have fellowship with one another because they share their interest of their unbelief.
Sinners can have fellowship with one another because they live in sin, and they have that interest in common.
A business man can have common interest they share with other business men in their company, or share a common interest in business.
A doctor can have fellowship with another doctor because they share a common interest in their profession.
An athlete, a painter, writer, teacher, lawyer, mother, father, baker, chef, and any profession can share their similar interest and have fellowship with one another. Many people have the same hobbies, or outside interest they can share with one another. This is all fellowship we can share with all human beings.
All these different interests can be shared by any human being at any time in their lives, but not all are good interest, and have His purpose behind them. No child of God should be living in sin, nor should they put any other interest in their lives above what interest Him.
A reborn child of God and what interest them should never come before their interest or fellowship in sharing their faith, Gods’ word, and their relationship with Christ and their Heavenly Father. What He gives His reborn child, and what they give up for Him should be what they have in common, and desire to share with each other more than any other interest.
God tells us we can all tell what a human being cherishes most by what is in their heart the most. A child of God will always treasure their Lord, their Heavenly Father and His word above any other treasure in this world. If people are first in your life, many people will say you have a good heart because you care a lot for people, but if it is not a heart for God above any person or thing, God will look at it as idolatry.
People pleasers share their interest in pleasing people with one another. They all love people, live for people, and all people love them because they all put people before God. They will be like one another, and be drawn to one another. A people pleaser will always give what people want to hear above what they need to hear. They hear others, and themselves above God’s truth through His word, and Satan is accomplishing his deception.
2 Timothy 4:3-5 For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.
God spoke through Paul to Timothy about people pleasers in his day. He told Timothy there will be a time people would not put up with sound doctrine but would fulfill their own desires and the desires of others. There would be teachers that would only say what others wanted to hear so no one would be offended, or persecuted by His truth any longer.
God spoke to Timothy through Paul and told Him to keep His head centered on Christ, not to be timid and afraid, but to endure the hardships of persecution. He told Him to Preach the Word at all cost, to always be prepared, to correct, rebuke and encourage – with great patience and careful instruction. To do the work of being an evangelist by discharging all the duties of his ministry through God’s Spirit, word and deed that was dwelling in Him.
If you see yourself as a people pleaser, as I did some of my life, then repent as I did. You will know when there is no true peace and you are being controlled by your circumstances, or you still are conformed to the world and are apart of it.
Ask God to forgive you for putting whoever you are putting above Him.
Ask God to forgive you for wanting to be more apart of this world than His Kingdom.
Ask God to forgive you for getting in His way by not letting others carry their own cross.
Ask God to forgive you for being an enabler, instead of a child of God correcting, rebuking, and encouraging through your Spirit and Word of truth.
Ask Him to forgive you for wanting all people to love you above His love He has for you.
Ask Him to forgive you for wanting to give people what they wanted, instead of His truth, which is what they needed.
Talk to Him, you know what He needs to forgive you for, if you are a people pleaser, give yourself to Him with a sincere heart wanting to please Him, above caring what others think, and he will shower you with His forgiveness that takes your spirit, and soul beyond yourself and this world now!
You will know by the weight of the shame and guilt being removed instantly! Then you can begin living solely for Him, and wholeheartedly wanting to please Him above all people, so some can be drawn to Him, carry their own Cross, as you carry yours, and live for Him! It is the only life worth living and dying for!